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Life advice #18: Prep then chill

June 13, 2013 by Amy Hansford

18. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

I used to be the most prepared person in the world. Ever. With my Mary Poppins bottomless bag, I was on hand to rescue any situation. On venturing anywhere, I would run through every possible scenario that could evolve through the day and the potential results so that I could be ready for them.

It was exhausting.

I was overly over prepared, both physically and mentally. And for every positive potential outcome during the day, there would always be a negative potential outcome which I’d also run through completely in my head. it got to the point where the stress of very unlikely situations was making me nervous. Silly, right?

And then stuff happened. My mum died. The best advice I have ever been given to this day is still ‘take it an hour at a time’. When your life changes forever in the space of a second, it’s hard to look much further forward than that. I stopped going through all the potential consequences, packing for a natural disaster. Money, keys and Ibuprofen. That’s all you really need.

Then more stuff happened. Our daughter was born. And while I did revert back to packing enough everything to last a week even for a trip to the shops, I soon got my head back to normal and began preparing for regular eventualities rather than obscure ones.

Little L has just turned two so heading out is a much easier affair these days. Nappies, wipes, drink, money, keys, Ibuprofen. Money is pretty important unfortunately. It can’t buy you happiness, but by golly, it can enable a trip to Tescos to buy nappies, wipes and a new set of clothes should they be needed in the case of a bottom explosion, or entry to a farm to bust those afternoon blues, or a picnic when we receive a happy phone call from friends heading to a park.

So now we go with the flow. We have an idea of what’s happening for the day but other than that, we see where the world takes us.

It’s a much nicer place without the Mary Poppins bag.

Category Uncategorized | Tags: advice,life,prepare,relax | 2 Comments
Life advice #17: Use the fancy schmancy stuff

May 29, 2013 by Amy Hansford

17. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

Thankfully, this is one piece of advice that I already stick to.

I am very much the kind of person who, if they don’t need it, doesn’t buy it. That means if we have it, it blooming well gets used until it falls apart. Whether that’s a nice pair of jeans, Little L’s pretty party dresses, new bed linen or some posh plonk, it doesn’t wait for a rainy day.

We don’t have the budget or childminding facilities to go out on the town, see a show, take in a film, have a meal etc. So we make the most of what we can do at home. We don’t buy all the treats – I plan our grocery shopping meticulously to ensure we only buy what we need – but we make sure we have lovely meals and if we’re given anything nice, it gets used.

When I said meticulously, I wasn’t kidding.

I’ve spent the last ten minutes trying to think of anything I am saving for a special occasion, but truth be told, there’s nothing. Well, there’s Little L’s flower girl dress/shoes and they’re being kept back in order to stay clean until the wedding, but the dress will become a dressing up princess outfit soon after and the sandals will be used as normal footwear.

Alright, there’s my wedding dress, but that’s not exactly something to slip on every now and again. That is being kept. That’s for Little L. And when she’s at the point where she become engaged, it’ll be given to her for her to do with as she wishes – change it, dye it, remodel it, tear off the train and make a bustle – whatever she wants. Because your wedding day is a bit fancy schmancy.

Even my beloved wedding shoes got used rather than being hidden away and never worn again. When I say used, I really mean it – lovely Jenna wore them for the two week run of Friends of Dorothy (and all the rehearsals leading up to it). Feet and calves of iron, that woman.

There’s no point keeping things for best.

Now is best.

Category Uncategorized | Tags: fancy,special,thrift,treat,use it | No Comments
Busy Little Bee

May 20, 2013 by Amy Hansford

I missed this Saturday’s post. Sorry! This is why.

Yep, I’m in a show! I’m playing the part of Cinderella’s Stepmother in Into The Woods, but this is no pantomime. I’m stepping out of my safe zone with the first non-panto I’ve been in for yonks. It’s dangerous in them there woods…

See it, don’t see it and miss out, up to you. But I’ll be there singing my socks off. I’m not hidden in the back; there’s solos and stuff. And I have a wicked dress. Normal service to be resumed once it’s all done!

Category Uncategorized | Tags: drama,Into The Woods,Luton,show,Sondheim | No Comments
Life advice #16: You can be happy

May 11, 2013 by Amy Hansford

16. It’s never too late to be happy. But it’s all up to you and no one else.

A friend of mine has been going through a tricky time lately. They run their own business and they’ve worked so hard on it, but it’s at the point where it’s not able to grow any further. They’re starting to question what they are doing and where they are heading. And you know what? Questioning yourself if a very good thing.

For my friend, questioning themself has led to a realisation – the business is brilliant and has done so well, but they’re not as happy as they could be. So they are freeing themselves from that stress and trying something new.

My friend is in their 40s. Not that being in your 40s is old, or too late. Far from it. In your 40s, you have been through enough to get the hang of life (just) but have so much more to do ahead of you. My friend had spent the last five years thinking it was too late to change. But through realising that they were the person who decided their fate, not anyone else, they’ve made a really positive change to the road that lays ahead.

All I can do is support my friend in their new adventures. They’re taking a leap of faith which so far is proving fantastic in terms of a work/life balance. They’re happier than they were. And I know they’ll only get happier from here on in.

Are you happy?

Category Uncategorized | Tags: advice,be happy,contentment | No Comments
Life advice #15: You are strong

May 5, 2013 by Amy Hansford

15. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.

This isn’t just about the big stuff. I could tell you tales of people who’ve lost limbs through accidents and have gone on to have bionic legs. I could talk about the many people I know (too many) who have lost parents. Children. Yet they have made it through. But I’m not going to talk about them. I’m going to talk about the small things that are a huge deal.

There are small confidence killers that happen to us all every day. Someone looking your work over and hurrumphing. The person who looks at you like you’re dirt when they’ve decided to overtake you. The realisation that you’ve got to the end of the day and seemingly achieved nothing. These little moments make us feel like we are lesser beings, if only for an instant, but they stay with us and build up over time.

This week, I did a taster session for a group which the kids loved. I was told afterwards ‘It just wasn’t for us’, and asked if I could try again but just do nursery rhymes etc that the children knew rather than the content that represented what I do. I was a bit taken aback by this – everyone has loved it so far, and surely a taster session for a specific class should represent that class? This knocked me down a peg and left me asking if the product I was offering was good enough.

That same afternoon, I saw a quote that really irritated me. It was by Yoko Ono.

I was still on a downer from the morning’s taster session and this riled me. But then it made me think. (Damn you, Ono, for making me actually think!) – what would happen if I applied that concept to the owner of that morning’s comment?

I was empowered. My brain readjusted to the new information. You know what? Pyjama Drama is brilliant. It genuinely is. And the songs and activities are so much fun. So there’s a group that doesn’t like change – that’s why you do tasters. You’re proud of what you do so don’t ditch something fantastic just to rehash The Grand Old Duke Of York for a group that aren’t interested in what you offer.

This new look at the situation made me feel stronger. It got me out of my funk. It made me feel even more passionate about what I do and gave me added focus.

It didn’t kill me. It made me stronger.

So you. Yeah, you. Pick out the last thing someone said that knocked you down. Draw that halo round their head. And get strong.

Category Uncategorized | Tags: advice,funk,strength | No Comments
The next great impressionist

April 30, 2013 by Amy Hansford

I’m an alright parent. I try to do one activity a day with/for Little L. I don’t always succeed. We watch a lot of telly. God bless Cbeebies.

Very, very occasionally I do something that’s not half bad. That happened this week. And I’m so damned chuffed, I’m sharing it with you on here because it’s a brilliant idea and it’s what we’re doing from now on.

With three birthdays this weekend, we’d already got the presents sorted but not the wrapping paper. Thanks to funny tummies, we skipped on swimming and spent the morning snuggling up under a blanket instead. By lunch, I was feeling like a guilty lazy mum so thought I’d be brave and set up some painting. But what? Then it hit me;

We’d make our own wrapping paper. We had everything we needed – paints, bib, huge roll of paper from Ikea. So this is how it went down;

Having set stuff up in the kitchen, I drew three themed pictures; butterflies, jungle and under the sea. These matched the presents.

Because I’m lazy, I can’t be doing with paint pallets. Instead, I splurged the paint directly on to the picture tactically. That way Little L could schmoosh it around as she wished.

When I say schmoosh, I mean it literally. Having been taught to do so at nursery, Little L automatically started painting and using her hands. It’s all good – I still didn’t have to clean paint pallets so I was happy.

And so, to the finished article. Cheap (free!), entertained Little L, and end-of-painting-time-tantrums were avoided by the golden phrase ‘this is the last one now, okay?’

I was really rather impressed at what happened next. I put the rag on the table to clean it and Little L took over to do it herself. A child who paints then cleans up after herself. I know, I have no idea either. Blooming well done Busy Bees nursery for training her up, that’s all I say.

And that’s your lot. 15 minutes worth of me being impressed at what a mess it wasn’t. Time where Little L was impressively focused. A result that meant funkily wrapped presents. So if you invite Little L to a party, expect a one-of-a-kind wrapping on the gift.

Category Uncategorized | Tags: activities,budget,ideas,kids,painting,parenting | No Comments
Life advice #14: Clarity, not clutter

April 27, 2013 by Amy Hansford

14. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful. Clutter weighs you down in many ways.

Clutter. It’s a family’s best friend. In our house, we do as best we can to make sure we don’t end up with stuff we don’t need. I’m notorious for selling things or Gumtreeing things away once we’re done with them. Bigger things. But clutter – it’s all the little things, isn’t it? Things that we don’t really have a place for, so they become the things that live everywhere.

Take our mantlepiece for example. We have (left to right) a wooden tortoise brought home from Uganda by our nephew; an empty photo frame box from Boston; our wedding cake toppers; a pack of chalk; one of Little L’s birthday cards (from last month); a ‘congrats’ card for getting Pyjama Drama up and running; a clock; some empty Mario themed sweet tins; an oversize wedding invitation (my fault); drinks holder circles of wood (I can’t remember what they are called right now, okay?); a smelly thingy; the pairs to the tortoise and photo frame box.

The only thing stopping this from being The Generation Game is a cuddly toy. We don’t need it all. It can all go, or go elsewhere. But it’s still there. And this is just a very small snapshot of our house. And every time I look at it I think ‘ugh, we don’t have a pretty mantlepiece like everyone else. I should really do something about that.’ But I don’t, because we have a child and I just don’t get round to it.

I need to declutter. I need to hit Ebay with the four boxes of clothes under the bed. I need to sort Little L’s toys. I need to decide what I’m doing with the front garden (whole world of clutter hiding behind the fence). I need that clarity, that space.

I will post a picture of the mantlepiece again this time next week. Together, we’ll either mock me or celebrate the clarity.

Category Uncategorized | Tags: advice,declutter,home,organise,space | 3 Comments
WordPress Goddess Alert

April 23, 2013 by Amy Hansford

If you are a WordPress blogger (and to be honest, even if you are not) I must draw your attention to Jane&Philbert.

You may have noticed that awakey.com is looking pretty damned spiffing of late and this is down to two people: Alex Hansford, my husband, for helping me get it to a point where I actually know what it is and what I want to do with it, and secondly, Gemma of Jane&Philbert. She is an absolute fruit loop. But she is brilliant. I’m currently on day 3 of her Pimp Your Website course and it’s brilliant. And funny. And silly. And it has outtakes. And she swears. Really big swears.

I’m so impressed by her advice and help that I’ve even posted midweek. I mean… wow.

So yeah – look up the page peeps and get your blog pimped!

Category Uncategorized | Tags: blogging,design,Jane&Philbert,pimp your blog | No Comments
Life advice #13: Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

April 20, 2013 by Amy Hansford

13. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

On Wednesday, I was a hero, a careless mother and a solution all in the space of half an hour.

Little L had a tear in her eye as she cuddled her carer at the nursery when I picked her up. She’d become upset when they came in from playing in the garden. And along I came, the hero to rescue her from a world of … well, actually nursery is really lovely, so I’m not sure what had been upsetting her, but there I was, and she ran to me for a cuddle. The hero!

We arrived home and the tantrum began. From getting out of the car, to the door, to the living room, it was a wall of dribbly, flailing noise. For 10 minutes, it was this*:

I tried talking to her. I asked her what was wrong. She flailed. She hit out. She would not be reasoned with. (And in fairness, you know, she is only two.) I could have put her on the Naughty Step – no point, it’d just rile her. I could have forced her to have a cuddle – no point, it’d just enrage her further and I’d get hit. So I walked away. Okay, I walked away and took a photo. The careless mother!

But I took a deep breath. I calmed down. She took a deep breath too, a massive yawn, which doubled as obtaining a gulp of air strong enough to power a sonic boom of a scream. But this moment of calm gave me just two seconds to realise she was tired.

So a story it was. (“Zoo Poo”, in case you’re interested). By the end, she was hu-hu-hu-huuuuuuuming away as little ones do after a tantrum. Time for a cuddle and a ‘how are you’. A solution!

I need to take more breaths. Are you getting enough air?

*And yes, that is a Knightmare shield and helmet in the background. What of it?

Category Uncategorized | Tags: family,parenting | No Comments
Life advice #12: Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

April 13, 2013 by Amy Hansford

Life advice from a 90 year old? I’ll take it.
Backstory blog can be found here.

12. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

I would not say I have ever been a jealous person. Comparative, yes, jealous, no.

Facebook and Twitter et al have become an online way to celebrate positivity. This is essentially a great thing. The only downside to this is the risk that others look on and feel defeated at the poster’s achievements. That the onlooker feels like they are operating at a level below their peers. I also think this is is probably why my blog is very honest, possibly to a fault. This blog is a demonstration that even though a lot of my life is brilliant, there are down bits.

For example: Friend A who is stunningly beautiful, has stunningly beautiful children and even looks stunningly beautiful and raises money for charity in doing an activity that would make anyone else look ridiculous.

I cannot operate at that level.

Friend B who is completely unique, has a fiercely intelligent, imaginative child, is incredibly skilled and whose family lives an almost surreal life, making the most of any community event or experience that comes their way.

I cannot operate at that level.

I look at these women and feel like I’m not providing an exciting enough life for my family. I feel ugly. I feel unproductive. I feel less worthy. And all of these feelings are wrong. These women lead different lives to mine. They have different families, different pasts and different futures.

I am naturally comparative, I don’t think I can avoid that. But what I can do is start reminding myself of the things that are good, and that there isn’t a need to become someone else. After all, if I become someone else, I don’t get to be me, and being me is pretty fun after all.

LATE ADDITION:
Mummy Kindness says all the the above in a far more eloquent way. I absolutely love her blog post. You can see it here.

Category Uncategorized | Tags: achievements,comparisons,goals,life | No Comments

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