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June, 2011

  1. Tumbleweed

    June 28, 2011 by Amy Hansford

    Cripes, it’s quiet on here, isn’t it?
    Life just doesn’t stop at the moment. And when it does, I’m normally tucking myself into the corner of the sofa and closing my eyes. There’s so much I want to put on here at the moment! Some things I probably could, some things I can’t for a while, and some things I never can. In a nutshell:

    ~ Little L is brilliant. Utterly content and easy to please. Starting to sleep through the night and impresses me continually. Motherhood is cool, but makes you tired. Can’t imagine what it’s like having two. Bloody well done to anyone who’s done this lark more than once.

    ~ Can’t wait for kids panto. Wasn’t remotely fussed, then ended up transcribing the script from a dvd and getting far too excited over various elements, plus the director is bullying me into auditioning. I say bullying. I mean she asked me if I fancied doing it and I bit her arm off before she finished her sentence.

    ~ Weddings are also fab. Friends are getting married in Scotland next week, some more in England two weeks after, then another set a month after that. We’ve booked our wedding venue and cemented a date for 2012 with lots of ideas buzzing around that have not yet come to fruition.

    And that’s my knowledge set. Nothing else happens in my life at the moment, so if you get stuck in a conversation with me these are probably the topics I will talk about. Have taken to avoiding the news as it’s all so depressing, so enjoying blissful ignorance. Will try and remember to post amusing things on here, but you may well be better off checking in on my Twitter instead; www.twitter.com/awakey


  2. Rocky Horror For Dummies

    June 7, 2011 by Amy Hansford

    I had a wondefully welcome phone call out of the blue from an old friend today. He was asking what to shout out at an upcoming showing of The Rocky Horror Show. It’s not the first time I’ve been asked this, so I thought it a good idea to pop my basic guide up here.

    This is not every single callback. a) There are far too many to note, thus boring the pants off anyone by act two, and b) everyone will hate you if you just call out every potential line. These are the good, easy ones. There’s one or two topical ones too, so don’t find this list in the year 2020 and start calling out ‘Britain’s Got Talent’ as it won’t be remotely relevant.

    Do note that this is for the show and not the film. Some crossover, but not all. Also, this was for a non-official tour cast, meaning the narrator is not a celeb.

     

    FIRST ACT

    Cheer when the Usherette comes on for the first song.

    During the Narrator?s first dialogue:
    Narrator: It seemed a fairly ordinary night when Brad Majors ASSHOLE! ?and his fianc?e, Janet Weiss SLUT! ? two young, ordinary healthy kids, left Denton that late November evening to visit a Dr Everett Scott SEIG HEIL!

    When Brad and Janet knock on the door:
    Riff: I think you?d better both FUCK OFF!… come inside

    During the Narrator?s introduction to the castle:
    Narrator: It seems that fortune had smiled on Brad and Janet and that they had found the assistance that their plight required ARE YOU SURE? ? or had they?

    Stand up and dance during the choruses of ?The Timewarp?.

    When the beat starts for ?Sweet Transvestite?, clap or stomp your feet in time.

    When Brad and Janet are being stripped:
    Brad: I?m Brad Majors ASSHOLE! ? and this is my fianc?e, Janet Weiss SLUT!

    When Brad is introducing them in the lab:
    Brad: I?m Brad Majors ASSHOLE! ? and this is my fianc?e, Janet Weiss SLUT!

     

    SECOND ACT

    During the Narrator?s first dialogue:
    Narrator: There are those who say life is an illusion LIFE IS AN ILLUSION! ? and reality as we know is a merely a figment of our imaginations REALITY AS WE KNOW IS MERELY A FIGMENT OR OUR IMAGINATIONS!

    After the bedroom scenes:
    Janet: What?s happening here? YOU?RE IN A SHOW! ? Where?s Brad? SHAGGING! ? Where?s anybody? WOOOOO!

    During the Narrator?s following dialogue:
    Narrator: it was as if she were riding a giant COCK!

    In the lab with Rocky and Janet:
    Rocky: This room is a womb to me.
    Janet: Yes – there you see, it’s instinctive – you returned here for one thing ? SEX!

    During the Narrator?s dialogue:
    Narrator: Over? What was over? BRITAIN?S GOT TALENT!

    During the first scene with Dr Scott:
    Frank: Sophisticated, Dr Scott? Or should I say, Dr Von Scott? SEIG HEIL!

    Continuing on to
    Dr Scott: Yes Brad, my sister?s boy. I knew he was in with a bad crowd, but it was worse than I imagined ? ACTORS! ?aliens!

    During the Narrator?s dialogue after everyone has been frozen by the ray:
    Narrator: And just a few hours after announcing their engagements, Brad and Janet had both tasted FRANK?S COCK! ? forbidden fruit.

    And then enjoy the rest of the show, not forgetting the final Timewarp.